Good Morning, Sunshine

pillow

4:32 AM
Loud Child: Mom, I have tuh pee!
Mom: Uh huh…go ahead…I’m listening…hurry up and come back…*groan*
Loud Child: Mom, can I have some PBS and some juice?
Mom: For the love of all things, child, go back to bed!
Loud Child: (stomps into bedroom)

5:03 AM
Loud Child: (CRASH!)
Mom: (opens only one eye…listens for crying…hears none…shuts eye)

5:04 AM
Loud Child: MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!
Mom: What are you doing in there?!
Loud Child: I JUST INVENTED A NEW WAY TO FLY AND I NEED YOU TO GO GET THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND SOME JUICE SO I CAN HAVE ENERGY TO TRY THIS THING OUT!
Mom: (bleeping bleep bleep can’t get sleep around here bleep) Honey, please quiet DOWN!
Loud Child:  Ugh…OK FINE!

6:22 AM
Loud Child: (CRASH!)
Mom: (to husband) This is all your fault.
Husband: What on earth is that supposed to mean?
Mom: You wouldn’t let me sell him to the circus.

6:31 AM
Loud Child: MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!
Mom: Alright! I’m awake!
Loud Child: WILL YOU COME TUCK ME IN?
Mom: (you’ve got to be bleeping kidding me) Yes, dear…I’m coming.

6:47 AM
Coffee Maker: DING!
Mom: sigh…

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Sarah Cottrell

About Sarah Cottrell

Maine based writer Sarah Cottrell is the voice behind Housewife Plus at the Bangor Daily News and is a regular contributor to Scary Mommy. She is a co-author in several books including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone from the New York Times Bestselling series.