10 Things NOT to say to a stay-at-home-mom

housewife_alteredI have a pretty good sense of humor. I can shrug off unintentionally inconsiderate comments or nosey questions, especially when they come from the folks I love the most. But after a while some of the misconceptions about what it means to be a SAHM (that’s Stay-At-Home-Mom for all you non-Mom bloggers) become difficult to ignore. So let me address my top 10 least favorite delusions about my job.

photo credit: x-ray delta one via photopin cc

1) What do you do all day?

Nothing. I do nothing. My children raise themselves. My house cleans itself. The bills pay themselves. The garden plants and weeds itself. The pets are 100% self-sufficient. Every single errand magically gets done on its own. It’s pretty sweet.

2) Wow, your husband must be making bank.

Yes, I married a Rockefeller. We’ve never had to sacrifice in order for me to stay home to raise our two kids. Not once did my husband and I ever have serious discussions about family planning, finances, education, or personal views on religion and spirituality. I’m just a gold digger. And super lazy.

3) You must miss having a real job.

The life of a SAHM is pretty much one long vacation…shh…don’t tell! Just kidding. I’m pretty sure you are using the word job the wrong way. You should look it up.

4) Don’t you think this is a waste of your degree?

Well, let’s see, the last time I checked, keeping ridiculously late nights writing, networking, submitting original works for publication, and building a for realsies writing portfolio is not a waste of my MFA.

5) Do you get an allowance?

Allowance?

Um…no.

(you can’t see this, but I totally just flipped you the bird.)

6) If I were you, I would get so much done.

Yeah? Cool. Here, you can finish the laundry and start dinner so that I can take that shower I meant to get to two days ago before I put the needs of everyone else before mine.

7) So, you like, what, blog all day?

So, you like, what, weren’t paying attention when I answered your first question?

8) Wait, I thought you were a feminist?

I am a feminist. So is my husband. And so are my sons. I chose to stay home. Can you imagine that? How absurd that a woman who bore two children would want to have a profound and lasting impact on the fragile and urgently important early years of life human life?

9) So what do you do with your free time?

Oh, you are too cute. Free time? If I had free time I would bathe for longer than 7 minutes. I would go to the grocery store alone. I would finish a conversation on the phone or actually visit a friend. I might even go see a movie. Oh man, this is turning into a bucket list.

10) Your kids must be so well behaved!

I guess you weren’t in the express aisle at the grocery store this afternoon. You would have seen quite a show. But I love your wild assumption that I am Wonder Woman and that my kids are not genetically human.

sarah cottrell

About sarah cottrell

Sarah Cottrell is a member of the Stay-At-Home-Mom Club and proud herder of two loud boys. She earned her MFA in 2012 and then accidentally washed it in a load of laundry. Sarah's work can be found on popular websites like Mamalode, BlogHer, and Scary Mommy. Her work will appear in two new parenting anthologies in 2015.