DIY Mom Survival Kit

DIYsurvivalkitI have two sons under five. This means that at least 29 times a day I am talking a kid down from the edge of a tantrum because the other one looked at him funny. Or because one threw a Lego tower down the stairs and it broke.

When I’m not cleaning, refereeing lunchtime, or negotiating my way through the Cold War that is bedtime, I am trying my best to keep it together until Wine O’Clock (this is a real thing). The only way for me to survive the nonsense that is kid logic is to keep a stash of Mom essentials strategically placed around the house.

Here is a list of 15 things you need in order to build your own DIY Mom Survival Kit:

1) Wine
(duh)

2) Baby Wipes
These suckers could clean the next Exxon oil spill.

3) Chocolate Chips
Instant bribery.

4) Caillou (or any other child favorite you hate and the kids know it)
Also instant bribery.

5) A Smart Phone
To Google things like, “Is it normal for my four year old to refuse to wear clothes?”

6) A Bag Of Old Clothes
Great for painting smocks, playing dress up, or using as rags to clean up the volcano that junior just exploded in the kitchen.

7) Embarrassing Pictures of Mom and Dad
Anything for a laugh. Right?

8) A White Refrigerator And A Bucket of Washable Crayons And Markers
An easy to clean mess.

9) Pillows In The Bathtub
Nap time is suddenly fun. And doable.

10) An Invisible Room
Tell your kid that the hall closet (or where ever) turns you invisible. Watch your kids flock to that spot for the next 15 minutes.

11) Funny Faux Swears
Instant laughs. I mean really, who can keep a straight face when a grown up shouts out Oh, Sugar Doodle Loving Lemonade!

12) Angry Dancing
Since screaming at your kid isn’t cool, angry dancing (you know, flapping your arms and making weird faces) will let off steam and probably make your kid laugh.

13) Quiet Time Contest
Who can shut up for the longest?

14) A Sounding Board
Call a friend and just complain for a few minutes.

15) Mom Timeout Chair
The kids will find this immensely intriguing that you just put yourself in timeout. This means that you can’t talk or move. You know, cause you’re in timeout.

sarah cottrell

About sarah cottrell

Sarah Cottrell is a member of the Stay-At-Home-Mom Club and proud herder of two loud boys. She earned her MFA in 2012 and then accidentally washed it in a load of laundry. Sarah's work can be found on popular websites like Mamalode, BlogHer, and Scary Mommy. Her work will appear in two new parenting anthologies in 2015.