Moms just don’t understand

beachSometimes I have to take a step back and reassess my lot in this motherhood gig. My Loud Child is ridiculously smart and is never more than a stern 1,2,3 warning away from timeout thanks to his disastrous mix of curiosity and audacious defiance of the house rules.

Today he said this: “Mom, you just don’t unnerstand.” And then he stomped off into the living room where he built a trampoline out of the couch cushions. He wanted to launch himself into space. Literally.

I don’t unnerstand.

Does this mean I’ve hit that parenting milestone?! Am I out of touch with youth?! Am I now the embarrassing mom person who stalks in the background, lurking to see if Loud Child has changed his underwear or washed his hands or said please?

I remember saying this mumbo-jumbo crap to my own mother. And I meant it. I’m not sure I’m ready for this. But then, my child does a lot of crazy stuff around my house. And to be fair, I really do spend an inordinate amount of time threatening the kid to spend eternity in timeout if he doesn’t cutitoutrightnow!!

Take these recent exploits for example:

  • Used a plastic baseball bat to whack a mosquito off my leg (ouch!)
  • Ran stark naked through the garden because he wanted, “to collect flower dust like the bees and make honey!”
  • Poured water into a paper grocery bag to see if it would make the bag float from the inside.
  • Climbed up into a window to hoot at the morning doves outside.
  • Dumped ALL the clean laundry onto the floor so he could, “build a cozy nest!”
  • Told his grandmother that he lives with her now because mom, “won’t let me do whatever I want all day long!”
  • Requested that dad explain to mom that, “Ice cream is a for real good-for-you food and I can eat it for dinner because that would make me happy and you’re supposed to want me to be happy, right?!”
  • Sprayed me with the flipping garden hose.
  • Collected a pile of worms from the garden to make a worm zoo.
  • Asked me, “Is Grammy a villain?”

To him, I must seem old and stern. It is true that I am starting to hear my own mother’s voice emanating from my mom voice when I holler my son’s full name. But I don’t feel old. I just feel like I am stuck behind the scenery of Mom Land stuff like wiping bottoms, 73 loads of daily laundry, grocery fetching, rule citing, and heavy sighs.

sarah cottrell

About sarah cottrell

Sarah Cottrell is a member of the Stay-At-Home-Mom Club and proud herder of two loud boys. She earned her MFA in 2012 and then accidentally washed it in a load of laundry. Sarah's work can be found on popular websites like Mamalode, BlogHer, and Scary Mommy. Her work will appear in two new parenting anthologies in 2015.