5 Things Only Parents Of Boys Will Understand

Catchy title, huh? I have no idea what it is like to raise girls. Who knows, maybe they really are easier until the teen years like everyone tells me. Or maybe girls are exactly the same level of absurdity that boys are.

loudchild-250x250My oldest boy is turning five soon. My youngest boy just turned one. Between them I am sure that I could solve the energy crisis if only I could capture the intense amount of vigor that zings and swirls around them all day (and night) long.

With new birthday milestones marked on the kitchen wall growth chart, I offer up these 5 things that (I am fairly certain) only the parents of boys will understand.

1. CLOTHES SHOPPING

Buying clothes for boys is a laughable and highly irritating chore. Every clothing store I go into has rack after rack of adorable and chic clothes for girls. I must wade my way past all the tulle and pink in order to find the ONE rack for boys. And you know what? It’s covered in sports themes, camouflage, or giant logos so that everyone within 100 feet will know what brand my sons are wearing. I hate that.

2. EVERYTHING ROARS AND HAS CLAWS

The little one is learning from the big one that everything roars and has claws. I cannot get through a day without having to demand at least 20 times that the roars and claws are for outside only. OK, fine. Then take it upstairs. OK, fine. Then at least do it in another room. Ack! I freaking give up. There is no winning a battle against two small people who INSIST that they are lions fighting in the jungles of the living room.

3. NOISE WITH DIRT ON IT

This one might be true of some girls. It was for me when I was kid, but it is 1000% true of my boys. They have less than no interest in any activity unless it has an element of getting dirty or being loud. Then, once their attention is absorbed in something as simple as digging a hole in the garden they up the ante. They are now digging a hole PLUS throwing dirt. But wait, they are not done. Now they are digging a hole, throwing dirt, AND dragging the hose out to make a mud pit. Why? Because wild hippos from Wham Bam A Boo-Boo must cool off in the mud. Duh, mom.

4. NO MATTER WHAT MOM SAYS ANYTHING CAN FLY

I have this fear growing in my heart of hearts that it will be my kid in the neighborhood who will one day end up in the ER with a broken arm because he tried to jump off the garage and fly while wearing a Da Vinci inspired cardboard contraption. In the meantime I spend an unusual amount of time explaining why we don’t launch toys, small pieces of furniture, or full baskets of laundry down the stairs. It isn’t really a luge.

5. SNUGGLES ARE UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME

OK, I concede that this one must also be true for girls. When my boys want to snuggle I turn into the world’s soupiest puddle of mom heart melt mush. I can’t help it. After a day of full on speed racing, jumping, yelling, and dirtying up everything they touch it just feels so right and perfect to drift off to sleep snuggling together. One friend once told me that boys shouldn’t be coddled with snuggles once they get through infancy. She said boys needed to toughen up. I told her she needed to get head examined.

And there you have it. Five out of the zillion and two ways in which raising boys is a particularly unique adventure for parents. What would you add to this list?

Sarah Cottrell

About Sarah Cottrell

Maine-based writer Sarah Cottrell is the voice behind Housewife Plus at the Bangor Daily News and is a regular contributor to Disney’s Babble and Momtastic. She is a co-author in six books including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone from the New York Times Bestselling series. Sarah’s work has also been highlighted and featured by SELF Magazine, National Public Radio, Washington Post, and VICE Tonic.