24 Signs you’re a rural mom

dirt road

Sure, we all know Suburban Mom, she has 15 million different blogs on the Internet, but have you met Rural Maine Mom? She’s a fun and almost scary mom who can handle any kind of trouble her kids or Mother Nature can throw her way. Just give her a cup of coffee and her flannel shirt and then stand back! Want to know if you’re a Rural Maine Mom? See how many of these 24 signs fit you.

1) There is no such thing as pizza delivery.

2) High-speed Internet still hasn’t made it to your neck-of-the-woods.

3) Neither has cable or anything that “streams”.

4) You can walk out your front door buck-naked and no one will notice.

5) Heavy traffic is when three cars pass your house in the span of five minutes.

6) Your neighbor is slightly beyond earshot of yelling.

7) Planning a play date must include the 45+ minutes of round trip driving.

8) The nearest grocery store is 30 minutes away.

9) Your kids think a city is a mystical far away land.

10) You know that the best “Eye-Talians” are called “Fireballs” and you get them at gas stations or IGA grocery stores.

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11) Petrified earth worms, rocks, dead bugs, and pieces of birds nests are regular items found in pockets on laundry day.

12) Your kids know that “No line is safe to touch, evah!”

13) You can count on at least 5 days a year when the power will go out thanks to mud season, winter season, or that tricky in between season that is a horrible mix of mud and winter season.

14) Forget the suburban yoga pants and cute graphic tees; you wear your husband’s old flannel shirt with two missing buttons and a pair of jeans that has seen better years.

15) You can chop wood (real woman workout).

16) You can set a rat trap (and not be squeamish).

17) You can start a fire (probably even with your stern mom glare).

18) You know what a “dooryard” is (and your kids have peed there).

19) You have a natural tolerance for black fly bites.

20) But not tourists.

21) You can tell the difference between your dog’s poop in the yard and various woodland creature scat (and so can your kids).

22) You drive your weekly garbage to the local dump.

23) And you always come home with something “wicked awesome”.

24) You’ve seen drunk deer prancing after eating fermented apples in late fall and then told your kids that those were Santa’s reindeer practicing their take offs.

This list feels like it needs more! What would you awesome Rural Maine Moms add? Leave a comment and share your punch lines with Housewife Plus!

Sarah Cottrell

About Sarah Cottrell

Maine-based writer Sarah Cottrell is the voice behind Housewife Plus at the Bangor Daily News and is a regular contributor to Disney’s Babble and Momtastic. She is a co-author in six books including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone from the New York Times Bestselling series. Sarah’s work has also been highlighted and featured by SELF Magazine, National Public Radio, Washington Post, and VICE Tonic.