Last night, I poured a stupidly hot bath, grabbed a new book and a glass of wine, slathered on a mud mask and jumped into six blissful minutes of me time before a child screamed for me from clear across the house.
Forget that my husband was in the house too, my children seem to think I am a magic eight ball and that if they shake my nerves enough I will spit out the answers to their deeply held desires.
Yes, you can jump off the couch and onto the dog.
Yes, you can eat All The Ice Cream.
Yes, you can watch TV until your eyeballs are thiswide and blood shot.
I do not feel one iota of guilt that at least 20 times a day I think to myself that I simply cannot wait until my trolls are asleep. In their rooms. Upstairs. Away from me.
Why? Because once they are sound asleep I have a small window of hope to enjoy my own version of relaxation before I start cleaning and prepping for the next day of putting all of my needs last.
Just like the wisdom that this too shall pass, so to shall I enjoy these mom guilty pleasures…
1. Drinking wine. (duh)
2. Eating cake. (double duh)
3. Not cleaning a damn thing for at least an hour.
4. Watching all the crappy TV my eyes can stand
5. Hanging out on Facebook, Twitter, or my 53 favorite Mom Blogs.
6. Doing a mud mask.
7. Opening the fridge and just staring for a few minutes.
8. Peeing alone.
9. Eating seconds of whatever dinner was.
10. Googling stuff like, Vasectomy, Summer art projects for toddlers, Is it too late for Law School?
11. Paint my toenails Hunter Orange or Tiffany Blue.
12. Taking off my bra (and pants.)
13. Calling a friend.
15. Eating a spoonful of peanut butter sprinkled with a few chocolate chips.
16. Taking a bath.
17. Letting my hair down (with no risk of a baby pulling on it.)
18. Swearing like a filthy pirate.
19. Complaining to my husband about the annoying antics of our children.
20. Reading trashy magazines.
21. Pinning diet fads, recipes, craft projects, and Mom jokes on Pinterest.
22. Shopping on Amazon.
23. Removing batteries from obnoxious kid toys.
24. Promising myself that I’ll go to bed before the 11pm news.
25. When that fails, giving myself a midnight pep talk for the next day.
26. Taking a momentary interest in becoming vegan or doing yoga or volunteering.
27. Looking up newfound love for vegan yoga volunteerism online.
28. Getting distracted by fancy stretchy pants that hide muffin tops.
29. Eating one more spoonful of peanut butter (or ice cream.)
30. Going to bed.
What are YOUR guilty pleasures?