10 Signs your babysitter is a DUD

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boys-838221_64010 SIgns Your Babysitter Is A Dud
By Christina Antus

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time finding a decent babysitter because all the good ones are taken, and no one shares. The best babysitters are like the Cadbury Eggs of Easter baskets. There’s only one or two and you have to grab them before they’re gone.​ ​

Otherwise, it’s about another year before you get the opportunity again.

Since having kids, I’ve had the daunting task of trying to find a suitable caregiver.​ ​

I’ve tried my hand at babysitting services, but my kids weren’t excited about their sitters like the ones in the commercials. I’ve never come home to see anyone in dress up clothes eating a freshly baked muffin that their twenty-something sitter made with them. I have, however, come home and walked right into a chapter from The Lord of the Flies.

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I have aspiring dreams for what I’d like my sitter to be but, that’s what dreams are for—to curb the tragedy, that is my reality. In my increasing old age, I’ve become wise to the sitter search and discovered the tell tale signs that indicate it’s not a good fit:

1. They’re asleep on the floor while your kids play “pixie-dust” with a bag of flour.

2. The baby had hair when you left for work.

3. They ask to be paid in unmarked bills.

4. They tell you the wine in the refrigerator was really good, then pass out.

5. They text you saying: “The sandbox is too small for us to play in.” You reply: “That’s the litter box. Sandbox is outside.”

6. They inform you they have zero experience with kids, but had a hamster once.

7. Your neighbor calls and says your son is playing in their backyard.

8. They ask you to try and hurry with your errands because their lunch break is over in twenty-five minutes.

9. All the electrical​ outlet covers have been replaced with forks and you can’t find your cat.

10. When you left you had two girls and a boy. Now you have three boys and a rat terrier.

When I was a babysitter, I was responsible. I did dishes, I played with the kids, I always cleaned up, and I was happy with five dollars an hour. Today, you can’t find a sitter without taking out a second on your mortgage.

​Want them to clean up after the kids? That’ll be ten more dollars an hour, please.​

I don’t know why good child care is so hard to find, it’s child care, not molecular biology. You’d think it would be easy to just play Play-Doh with kids for a few hours. Watch them in the yard so they don’t scale the fence and make sure they don’t stuff the cat into the toilet. Yet, I found that these young people who were filing in and out of my home were seemingly incapable of doing anything with our kids except sitting on the edge of the couch watching the paint on the walls.

I can neglect my children for free. Why would I pay someone else to do that? If I’m going to be responsible for their therapy in eighteen years, I’d at least like to be the reason for it.

So, as the months roll on, I continue with one new sitter after another hoping we’ll accidentally stumble on “the one.”

Until then, we all have to go out of this world with some kind of legacy and legacies don’t get any better than having the babysitter who played in the litter box.

antusBIO: Christina is the senior editor at
Mom Babble and lives with her husband and three kids in Denver. When she’s not neglecting laundry, or avoiding the grocery store, she’s writing, and making mediocre meals for her family. You can find her overthinking things on her blog, or follow her on Facebook.

Sarah Cottrell

About Sarah Cottrell

Maine-based writer Sarah Cottrell is the voice behind Housewife Plus at the Bangor Daily News and is a regular contributor to Disney’s Babble and Momtastic. She is a co-author in six books including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone from the New York Times Bestselling series. Sarah’s work has also been highlighted and featured by SELF Magazine, National Public Radio, Washington Post, and VICE Tonic.