6 Truths Hiding Under A Maine Mom’s Giant Winter Coat

Housewife Plus author Sarah Cottrell

Housewife Plus author, Sarah Cottrell

As a stay at home mom, I have very few options for being fashionable thanks to chasing kids and cleaning messes all day. I mean let’s get real. Being a mom is a dirty, busy, crazy job and high heels, hunter orange or Tiffany blue polish, and polka dot silk scarves are just not exactly on the forefront of our minds, right?

But guess what?! You can still have some fashion in your life that is both cute and practical. Let me introduce you to the six most fabulous reasons why you will love your giant winter coat this season:

1) Shaving Is Optional

Seriously. It’s a freaking jungle under there; I’m talking knees with enough stubble to grate cheese for crying out loud. Perhaps even a five o’clock shadow on those pits. But you know what? A mom doesn’t care. NOPE! It’s like a rebound effect of having to shave everything all summer long to prevent public outrage at the beach or the park when clothes show skin and create tan lines. WELL, NO MORE! Welcome to body hair season, mo-fo!

2) Fat Roll Freedom – No Sucking It Up (Or In, Ladies)

Oh, yeah. Let the muffin top spilleth. Let the flab jiggle. Let your body relax into the safety of privacy under all the beauty of that giant pillowy winter coat! You can finally breathe without fear of eyes straying to your unflattering parts because they are totally covered by multiple layers of winter insulation. You know what goes great with freedom? Donuts. True story. So quit sucking it up for some stupid diet and enjoy the cold months.

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3) Stain Remover

Possibly the best laundry stain remover alternative is simply removing the offending spot from sight by hiding it under a giant ass winter coat! Put on your favorite stretch pants and worn out tee shirt with the paint splatter from when you painted the nursery and also from those weird grease stains from stress eating at 2 AM when the baby would not stop crying.

4) You Are Wearing The Same Clothes You Slept In

Need I say more? Seriously, you get ready for the morning rush of school drop off and the last thing you want to do is get dressed when you hardly got the coffee down your throat. No fear! Big giant winter coat has you (literally) covered.

5) Built In Secret Snack Bar

Some winter jackets have secret inner pockets. Some of those pockets are big enough to hide things like chocolate from your kids. Others can even hide things like your cell phone from your kids. In the pockets that the kids can see go the wrappers, wipes, and loose change. When the kids aren’t looking, you can sneak bites of peanut butter cups. Score!

6) Weight Management

Did you go a bit over board this fall and end up with a couple of extra Pumpkin Spice pounds like I did? Have no fear; you can hide that under seasonal overage under the magic of the giant winter coat too! Unbutton those jeans, wiggle into a maternity band, and zip up the coat. No one is the wiser. Besides, you have a few months to remedy the situation before you have to store away the awesomeness of this one fashion must-have for moms.

From shielding your period bloat to hiding your pajamas during morning school drop off, slipping a chocolaty snack out of sight to concealing a Dutch Oven that only a mom – or pregnant lady can produce; you too can sashay through the cold months with style and ease. You’ll be warm and as an added perk, all eyes will be where they ought to be – looking at your face and not your mom parts.

Caution: This is humor. For people who have a sense of humor. And are not likely easily offended. Dude, you’ve been warned.

 

Sarah Cottrell

About Sarah Cottrell

Maine-based writer Sarah Cottrell is the voice behind Housewife Plus at the Bangor Daily News and is a regular contributor to Disney’s Babble and Momtastic. She is a co-author in six books including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone from the New York Times Bestselling series. Sarah’s work has also been highlighted and featured by SELF Magazine, National Public Radio, Washington Post, and VICE Tonic.