We have all heard the ridiculous stories of Madonna and her 20 international phone lines sitting next to bowls of green M&M’s in her dressing rooms or Iggy Pop and his seven dwarfs a la Snow White. Sure, these demands seem excessive but they also sound a little familiar to the demands I get in my house every single day.
Can you just imagine for a minute what would happen if a toddler was allowed to draft a concert rider? I don’t about your kids, but mine would demand the following:
1) Let the dog take a bath with me.
2) An industrial sized gumball machine in my bedroom.
3) Only ketchup for dinner.
4) A pet megaloden shark in the backyard.
5) No more having to wear clothes.
6) Unless “clothes” is a superhero cape, cowboy boots, and a scuba mask.
7) Read the same bedtime story exactly 19 times before bed.
8) When Mom says, “NO!” Then Dad must say, “YES!”
9) I can pee in the houseplants if it’s too cold to pee outside.
10) Only Jello for dinner.
11) My little brother has to go live with Grandma.
12) I can pull the dog’s tail. And ride him like a horse.
13) Also, I need a horse.
14) The bathtub should be filled with all the toys from my room.
15) Bubbles should blow from every room all day long.
16) I can watch Disney movies on repeat. Forever.
17) I can use mom’s phone to take pictures as much as I want.
18) A Lego car the size of a real car.
19) The Disney castle must be relocated to our backyard.
20) Only popsicles for dinner.
21) I can shoot water guns in the living room.
22) Diapers are optional.
23) I can put all the things in my mouth. At least once.
24) Climbing in the dryer is totally allowed.
25) The kitchen trash is actually “treasure” and I can fish out whatever I want.
26) Hair gel, nail polish, toothpaste, and ketchup may be used as paint for the walls.
27) Bed time is more of a suggestion than a direction.
28) Only red lollipops with the tootsie centers for dinner.
29) A rope swing in the bathroom to jump into the tubby.
30) A team of ninjas to accompany me for play dates.
Thank goodness my kids are not super rich or super famous because I’d be screwed.