Adulting classes are the most ridiculous thing to come out of 2016

For the love of God, Millenials, please knock it off with this “adulting” stuff. Let me give it to you straight: you’re adults. Doing things like getting a job, showing up on time, talking to other adults, paying bills, cooking food, and otherwise not being a complete idiot is not hard. It is not science. You do not need to take a class.

For those of you who have not heard yet, there is actually a thing in Portland, Maine called The Adulting School in which people can sign up to learn how to be adults because they apparently missed out on learning self-sufficiency during childhood. According to a BDN article, the founders of the Adulting School cite the recession and the lack of home economics being taught in school and look to stats on low marriage, mortgage, and employment rates among Millenials to explain why they started a school for twenty-somethings who are apparently clueless at navigating the world without parental help.

On the one hand, I applaud the brilliance of these two founders to take advantage of a trendy problem. On the other hand? I’m totally judging this trend as flippant and self-absorbed. Does anyone else think adulting classes sounds like another hipster trend? I’m looking at you pre-peeled oranges. After all, “adulting” is a made up term from the world of memes and online sardonic wit.

Not sure what I mean? The Adult School is right up there with these other high and mighty money and time wasters:

Silent retreats

Where people can spend hundreds of dollars to fly to a “retreat” with a ton of other people and take a vow of silence. Look, you can pay me hundreds of dollars to come camp in my backyard and I promise we won’t talk to you.

Coffee Colonics

Yes, you read that right. Apparently, it is quite hip to pay a professional to shoot coffee where the sun doesn’t shine. I have no words for how stupid this one is. None.

via GIPHY

Personal Organizers

Are you freaking kidding me? How much junk do you have by the time you reach your twenty-somethings that you need to hire a professional organizer? Here, let me introduce you to this free site called Pinterest where people ‘pin’ two billion ideas on how to color-code your closet. Also? Quit buying so much crap that you feel compelled to hire people to manage it for you.

Line Waiters

Yes, there are some special snowflakes out there who are so damn precious that they actually hire people to stand in line for them. No doubt for something as ridiculous as a cronut or a new iPhone.

Even worse than Line Waiters?

These dudes will play Pokemon for you. For the love of all that is decent, how lazy are you that you hire someone to PLAY A GAME for you? Huh?

Seriously, my angry-vein is throbbing on my forehead now.

Since when did we start talking about adults as if they are children? And why is there a movement to save people from having to figure things out for themselves? Sure, learning how to apply for a mortgage might require some help, but small talk?

When I look around and start seeing programs and organizations popping up each charging a fee to help otherwise able-bodied, capable adults “figure out” the most basic things in life or that offer childish experiences like playing in a giant sandbox with actual construction equipment, I have to wonder where our priorities are.

There is something fundamentally important and noble in getting yourself out in the world and figuring out how you fit into it. You know, without having to hire life coaches and personal organizers who will charge you a fee because they already figured this stuff out.

So, to recap, “Adulting” might be considered “hard”, but signing up to learn how to “adult” is ridiculous.

Get it together, people.