I must confess that I am absolutely terrible at making and keeping New Year Resolutions. Part of the reason, I suspect, is my complete lack of imagination for how to craft an inspired list to begin with, I mean, who wants to give up sugar, for real?
So, for this next year, I am throwing together a super simple resolution list that I am pretty sure I can handle with grace and aplomb. I’m pretty sure you can handle this too.
Ready? Here we go!
1) EAT ALL THE THINGS
No more diets. They don’t freaking work. No one wants to hear about them. Quit spending money on fads that make big promises and rely on you failing so you’ll resign up.
2) READ A DAMN BOOK
I already have this one covered, I average a book every two weeks. But for those of you who don’t read? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? There are a ton of great books and they don’t require you to charge a battery or turn down a volume. You can bring them anywhere and get this…you actually learn stuff. Try it.
3) GO OUTSIDE
We live in Maine for crying out loud. This is hands-down the most beautiful state in the 48, so get outside and try hiking, try sledding, go to some town you’ve never visited and meet new people. It’s addictive being outside, I swear, you’ll love it.
4) TURN OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean, this one might be kinda hard for me to do since I basically work and socialize on my phone, but still, I digress. Turn the phone off and see #3.
5) DO SOMETHING SELF-SUFFICIENT
I want to learn some basic car maintenance this year so that I don’t have to use up my AAA or rely on my husband. Also, maybe I could look up how to fix a leaky sink, patch a hole in the wall, and turn my compost over without killing my back.
6) CALL YOUR MOTHER
I’m biased. I’m a mom. Don’t wait until a holiday, you need child care or money, or an emergency happens, just pick up the phone and call your mother. She’ll love it.
7) VOLUNTEER AT LEAST ONCE
Volunteering is good for your soul. Try signing up to help with a local cause, help your neighbor, or take some burden off of someone you love. It’ll look good on ya.
8) BINGE WATCH YOUR FAVORITE SHOW ON NETFLIX
Why the hell not? I just ordered the entire suite of Downton Abbey so that I can finally catch up to 2016.
9) Speaking OF 2016…
Make sure that ugly is dead, dead, dead. I’m taking steak through the heart, silver on the skin, flame throwers, and laser it until you’re totally sure it is gone forever. Sayonara, ’16.
10) DON’T ISTEN TO ME
Do whatever you want. Just be a decent human being, try to eat a vegetable once in a while, and seriously, call your mother.
Happy New Year!