Proposed time zone change will make parents cry tears of joy

Twice a year, parents everywhere sputter total obscenities under their breath as they try in vain not to freak out over the dreaded daylight savings torture. They do this because kids are like ticking bombs and when you mess with their routines, sleep, or schedules then you’re sure to have an explosion. Fun times.

Skipping an hour ahead means that bedtimes feel like a cruel joke for the parents as kids bounce off the walls and shriek in protest. Falling an hour behind means kids get up an hour early and you’re suddenly shuffling through the house looking for coffee before the sun has risen while simultaneously trying to do math in your head and calculate exactly how many EXTRA minutes you have to endure this insanity before the day’s activities can actually start.

You know what would end this madness? A time zone that won’t flip flop around the clock twice a year and confuse the living hell out of already exhausted parents.

The history of Daylight Savings Time or DST is interesting. Back in 1895 a New Zealand entomologist named George Hudson proposed moving clocks forward by one hour in the summer months in order to extend evening sunlight. The idea caught on and in 1916 The German Empire along with Austria and Hungary put the idea to the test by implementing a time zone change.

It has long been thought that the reason for implementing DST was because of farmers needing more time in the fields. In Maine, this myth is retold repeatedly when the debate about time zone changes comes up because we are an agricultural state, but the opposite is true. Farmers were a loud opposition to the push to create a time change in the summer that would then need to be corrected in the fall. After Europe made powerful arguments for the economic benefit of energy saving and commerce as being the sole reason for tinkering with time, the United States jumped on the bandwagon and right around the start of World War I, we began see-sawing our clocks forward and backward.

But seriously. Everything is online now, people. I don’t need sunlight to order a bunch of stuff from Amazon Prime. Maine would be wise to join the Atlantic time zone since we actually stick out into the Atlantic and are geographically closest to their time zones as opposed to say, Ohio, which shares the EST zone with us.

So, to the brilliant politicians in Maine who are thinking long and hard about resetting our tired clocks to a regular tempo, I implore you, as an exhausted parent, to please make it so.